Happy Spring everyone =]
I'm gonna try to make this one short and sweet. I'm tired.
I was recently thinking back to a conversation that I had with someone about 3 years ago. He was bragging to me about some of his questionable behavior, trying to provoke jealousy in me. My reaction to him, however, wasn't jealousy. I actually felt sorry for him. My reply to him was just telling him that I'm sorry that he made this choice. I also was aware that he had no one else in his life that would hold him accountable for his actions, or giving him any sort of advice containing any wisdom. So I felt a strong sense of obligation to keep this conversation going and not to blow him off simply because I was disgusted by his behavior. I remember saying to him "I just want you to think about the fact that your decisions will catch up to you one day. That's all." His response struck me so strongly.. "Not today," as he laughed.
He was probably right. He probably didnt suffer any sort of major consequences that day for his actions. He probably didnt lose too much, or feel any strong sense of remorse, and most likely slept just fine that night. But I do know that "not todays" add up. And that lost time will find you. I know that being "young, wild and free" will get you no where but old, broke and alone. That's all I have to say about this. I think I made my point. (Hebrews 12:6a, Because the Lord disciplines those he loves...)
Something else I have been thinking about these last few weeks... which really has nothing to do with my first topic.. When your mind changes, LIFE changes. My mind changed. And my heart went right along with it. I feel so completely... different. I still cant seem to verbalize my emotions in a way that makes sense. The closest I've gotten, I guess, is I'm readjusting. I've been so used to feeling and thinking a certian way for the last 4 years of my life... my ENTIRE adult life, that feeling/thinking a completely new way is very different to me. I'm learning how to just be myself again and being ok with myself again. Everything's just going ok =] I'm happy. I feel peace.
"By the grace of God I am what I am and His grace to me was not without effect." -1 Cor. 15:20
PS. I always pray that you find Life...that you experience what its really like to feel alive. Even when it kills me.
:)
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